My Spirited Child

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Okay, so since I started this blog early last year, I have spoken quite a bit about myself and D, my first born. Over the course of the past year, as DD has continued to grow and change, it has become more and more obvious to me, leaving no doubts in my mind…

I have another spirited child on my hands.

What are the chances that someone could produce two highly unique, but also highly spirited children? The whole nature vs. nurture debate comes into play here, but in my opinion, it’s a little bit of both.

While DD picks up behavioural traits from my husband and I, as well as her brother, she is her own beautiful soul and has a personality I have yet to come across in another person before.

She has many attributes that inspire (and sometimes even frustrate me):

  • bravery
  • fearlessness
  • stubbornness
  • persistence
  • determination
  • curiosity
  • passion
  • and I think most importantly, her delight in absolutely everything (except maybe sitting still!)

I never in my wildest dreams thought I could handle having two spirited kids, especially with my own tendencies, but honestly they are so different and their personalities compliment each other’s so well that not only am I excited at this realization, but proud of who they are and who I know they will become. No matter what makes these two little hearts happy, I know they will have great success in life.

Oh, and ps: I had a lovely chat with Dallas’ preschool teacher yesterday and she informed me that he gets rather upset when things don’t go his way or people don’t listen to his ideas, but that he is incredibly bright and eager to learn. Sounds all too familiar!

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Back to Zero

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Inspired by Nurshable‘s posts about not yelling, I am proud to say I made it to Day 9. NINE. For me that is quite a feat. I don’t know if I have mentioned it before, but I have what my husband calls a bit of a tone problem. Even when I am completely calm (albeit passionate about something) it can appear to others as if I am yelling. Like at them.

Over the past nine days, I have been yelled at, I have been stressed, I have been worn out, I have been completely frustrated. But I did not yell.

Until today.

I’m not even exactly sure what set me off, or what made today different, but I felt it coming and I was powerless to stop myself. Of course it only lasted for a short time, as feelings of anger often do, and then the usual rush of guilt set in and I wanted to curl up in a tiny little ball until I disappeared from sight.

But that wouldn’t do anyone any good.

If I have learned anything it’s that all I can do is try again. All I can do is admit I was wrong, apologize and move on.

So here I am. Back to zero. Ready to try again tomorrow.

Bare Minimum

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I’m doing it again.

I’m procrastinating.

What I really should be doing is writing a 750 word eulogy for my English course (influenced by Tuesdays with Morrie), but instead I’ve decided to write about why I can’t seem to find time to get a damn thing done these days. Yes, I see the irony in case you were wondering.

Since becoming a mom of two, I feel like I’m only ever putting forth the bare minimum. And I am not a bare minimum kind of girl. I am the mildly obsessive if you’re going to do it you might as well do it right type.

Have you ever gotten to the point where you gave up even starting things because you knew you wouldn’t be able to see them through to the end? That’s about where I’m at right now. Take this blog for example. Instead of typing out a quick blurb and hitting Publish a few days a week, I take two hours to write a few hundred words, agonizing over each and every one. Instead of enjoying the process of writing, I put it off all week and dread the thought of logging in.

So I find myself doing a whole lot of nothing. Or a whole lot of half somethings, which still leads to nothing being accomplished. I have about ten projects on the go right now, and I keep breaking my own rules by taking on more. Aside from taking care of two kids and a household, running two businesses, school work, blogging and working out six days a week, I have just started training for my first triathlon and joined a book club. I don’t get to sleep until past midnight every night and D has me up at 6 every morning. No wonder I’m exhausted!

For the past four months now, I feel like I am constantly putting out fires and it’s time for that to stop. I am a mom and my kids are only going to be this small for a short time. They need me and they have always and will always come first. That is the promise I made the day I became a mother. Yes, I have obligations and need to make time for myself and for the things I am passionate about, but I also need to slow down and take a deep breath and know that it is physically impossible for me to “do it all”.

The way I see it I have two choices. I can give up on everything extracurricular that I love (and go crazy and be of no use to anyone) or simply lower my expectations. It’s okay that I’m late to everything and that I skip a couple workouts here and there. It’s okay that I only post once a week, or sometimes even less. I need to allow myself to not be perfect at everything I set out to do. I need to prioritize what it is I hope to accomplish. Most importantly I need to realize that no one (other than myself) expects me to accomplish much of anything right now, and be thankful for the days I find time to shower and get dressed.

Parenting is all about lowered expectations and I’m starting to be okay with that.

Crack Pots at Crack Pot

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Took the littles to Crack Pot Studio today to visit my friend Emma and paint some ceramics. I have been taking D there since he was a baby and we always have such a great time. Since it’s March Break, I thought it would be a fun way to spend an afternoon.

As soon as we get there, D bursts through the door to let everyone know he has arrived. The staff (especially Em) are fantastic and it’s okay that he’s a bit of a wild man. He has yet to break anything, so I think that works in his favour.

Within seconds he decides on a robot coin bank to paint. I totally envy his ability to be so in the moment sometimes. He doesn’t consider that there might be something he likes better. He doesn’t even care that there are a hundred other options. He happily picks out the first thing that catches his eye, while I spend ten more minutes browsing, before finally settling on a heart shaped plate for DD’s footprints.

Two hours, three trays full of colour and sixty sponges later and our masterpieces are finished. This week they will go into the kiln to be fired and when they are all shiny and ready for us, we will get to bring them home and add them to the collection.

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D’s work in progress… check out those buttons

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Beginning stage of the plate

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Em and DD after we washed the paint off her toes

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Spongehead Robotpants

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D’s finished product (his artistic vision included a lot of white space)

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Baby’s First Crack Pot Creation

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D and Taylor, aka Hot Girl as he called her